


l'esprit de l'escalier

by jukeboxhound



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: F/M, Fusion, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-03-31 16:18:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3984667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jukeboxhound/pseuds/jukeboxhound
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sephiroth is Sherlock, Cloud is Watson, Aeris is Mrs. Hudson, Zack is Irene Adler, and there is an excellent vintage of Glenlivet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	l'esprit de l'escalier

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fateofshadow](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=fateofshadow).



> A brief oneshot that could conceivably spawn others but probably won't.

…

 

“Is that blood,” Miss Gainsborough certainly did _not_ inquire, her hands settled on her hips in a manner that suggested said hands would prefer to be settled around a throat.

The fact that Strife did not falter in the face of Miss Gainsborough’s pique was a testament to the sturdiness of his character.  “Ah,” he began, “in our defense, we had no reason to expect the presence of five gunmen tonight.”

“Five?” she repeated, with such mildness that even Strife’s sturdiness of character felt the beginnings of a tremble.  “Shall I ask why there were five gunmen when I was led to believe that yours was simply an errand to the chemist’s?”

“There may have been six,” he admitted.

“ _Six_ gunmen.  While Doctor Gast’s tonics leave something to be desired, I had not thought them offensive enough to warrant six gunmen.”

“That may be due to the detour through the alley back of the train station.”

“The same station that lies in the direction opposite to Doctor Gast’s pharmacy?”

“Indeed,” Strife confirmed, faint, the militaristic set of his shoulders becoming a more hopeless slant, as though he were a prisoner watching the warden depart from Strife’s cell with the keys tucked firmly into a breast pocket.  Miss Gainsborough remained quite unmoved, however, and could not help noticing how three drops of blood were a very bright red against the brown of the stair carpet on the first step.  She could only imagine what she might find were she to look upon the last and seventeenth step before the tenants’ door, through which Sephiroth had managed to disappear before Miss Gainsborough could command his attention.

“I cannot imagine why Sephiroth would have felt the need to detour through a dark alley of questionable repute when the hour is already late.”

“In Sephiroth’s defense, Fair was quite convincing.”

Miss Gainsborough was far too well-bred to hiss between her teeth, though the urge was there.  “Did Mr Zachary Fair have need of Doctor Gast’s services as well, then?”

“Not…in so many words.”

Miss Gainsborough could not say, whether to herself or to God Himself, if the sudden catch beneath her breast was a symptom of disgruntled amusement or outrage, for although Mr Zachary Fair had not a malicious bone in his body, he nevertheless could have been the avatar of some long-ago pagan trickster; and Sephiroth, while so wilful in some ways, was less so in others, and in fact had a terrible habit of indulging Fair’s whims.

“Miss Gainsborough, please,” Strife pleaded, which was a sight so rare that Miss Gainsborough wondered if an acquaintance might be close to death’s door, “I know you’ve seen how Sephiroth walks this place as a ghost.  He is a man of routine and yet in the past week I have seen him retire scarcely before I’ve a chance to light the lamps, and on another night he has remained in the sitting room while I’ve taken to bed, and I could swear I heard him speaking even though he was alone.  He is fastidious, and yet thrice he has asked me where his violin has disappeared to.  He has always been a lover of books, but now he reads as though his very life depends on it.”

As Strife spoke, Miss Gainsborough raised a hand to her mouth to cover the surprise and dawning concern.

“I knew he has been acting oddly ever since that Mr Valentine came calling a fortnight ago, but I hadn’t realized how much Mr Valentine’s visit had disturbed him.  Do you know what was said between them?”

“I do not, only that it was somehow related to Sephiroth’s family.  But surely you see now why Fair’s distraction was necessary?”

“But six gunmen…” Miss Gainsborough interjected weakly, and Strife smiled, a small thing, but all the more sincere for it.

“And you should have seen him, Miss Gainsborough!  It was like a fire had been lit inside of him and he shone with it."  Love now shone through Strife’s voice and expression as brightly as how he described it in Sephiroth.  Such loyalty, she saw – the loyalty of a soldier, turned now from patriotism to a lover.  Strife was a handsome man, but never as much as when he spoke with such passion.  "Fair had discovered a smuggling operation during one of his own, ah, operations.  These criminals never stood a chance.  I still wonder how Sephiroth and Fair did not win our war alone.”

“Well, we could hardly make the other lads feel redundant, now, could we?” interrupted Fair, who had come in through the kitchen’s back door on silent feet, no doubt with the aid of his accursed lockpicks, and suddenly appeared in the doorway behind Strife’s shoulder.  Miss Gainsborough gasped with surprise, and Strife smiled again as Fair’s arm settled itself over his shoulders with practiced familiarity.

“There is blood in my carpet,” Miss Gainsborough informed him.  “I do hope you realize it is entirely your fault.”

“And it is entirely my own responsibility to apologize.  Such a stain is poor reward for the care you show my boys here.”

“Which is why you’ll be scrubbing it out come morning.”

Fair groaned and allowed his head to fall forward until his forehead was braced against Strife’s shoulder.  “Why morning?  It will be more difficult to remove if it is allowed to sit overnight.”

“Because,” Miss Gainsborough said as she strode purposefully past the two men into the kitchen, “tonight, I am going to look over Sephiroth and make sure he won’t end up dead for his foolishness come morning, and then we are all going to share this excellent vintage of Glenlivet until we know for sure that Doctor Gast will have to make a house call here sometime tomorrow."  She reached up towards the highest shelf of the cabinet nearest the sink, having to lean up on her toes to pull down a dark green bottle with a triumphant flourish.

"His _tonics_ ,” Fair whinged, but his broad smile gave away his false complaint, and Strife was smiling nearly as widely, which was a victory in and of itself.  Miss Gainsborough clicked her tongue chidingly and motioned Fair and Strife towards the stairs with her unoccupied hand.

“Now then, before we can sit Sephiroth down and discover what the matter is so we may fix it, we have a detective with a constitution nearly as extraordinary as his intellect to get thoroughly sloshed.”

“One day,” she heard Fair confide to Strife as they ascended the stair, “I will convince her to marry me.”

Strife clapped him once on the shoulder, humoring him, before pushing open the door.

 

**Author's Note:**

> [My tumblr](http://jukeboxhound.tumblr.com/).


End file.
